Thursday, October 25, 2007

Evolution of Motherhood



I think I might be getting better at this mom stuff. The quality of my parenting really took a nose dive once I actually BECAME a mother. Because before I was a mom I would pridefully have declared myself a prodigy of child rearing. Mothering before I had my children looked rather uncomplicated and simplistic. Really all you have to do to turn out a good "product" is provide love, consistency, discipline, and lets not forget common sense. Easy. Fast forward to my Tobin. I did forget a few ittsy bittsy factors in my plan to produce perfection. One, these kids come with their own wills and ideas about how life should be. Two, They are really demanding about getting their needs met. And I have found them to be quite ungrateful for services received. Three, I didn't expect this insane pressure that weights in the back of my sleep deprived mind, that at any moment I could snap and scar them for life.
I remember vividly getting really frustrated with Tobin as a baby for doing, well immature, baby things. Like mashing his food into his freshly washed hair and all over the moped floor. I would be stern with him when I would take him shopping and he would dare be disruptive to the other shoppers. I could watch my blood pressure rise as he wildly displayed his frustration over the choices of toys I brought for him at a restaurant. The list goes on. Tobin had to break me of all the misconception I had about what mothering meant. It wasn't about doing things perfect, and getting the perfect result. Mothering is about watching and loving the process of growing. It's about being that person that allows mistakes and exploration with a cool temper. It's about rediscovering the world all over again thought the eyes of someone who has yet to discover the worlds evils.

So the other day when I found Phoebe discovering toilet paper, I took pride in myself that I ran for the camera instead of running off her joy in this paper that you could wrap all around yourself and run though the house with it following you.

And then suddenly I felt sad for Tobin. His mommy was a stress case when he was discovering the world. I know one day Phoebe and Jabe will thank Tobin that he went first. Tobin was the Guinea pig that we experimented on and who taught me to enjoy the process of growing up.

27 comments:

Towheads said...

If only we could go back in time and just laugh at our kid's when they smear poo in the carpet instead of going nuts on them. Great now everyone who reads this will never step a foot in my home.

LizzyG said...

Yay! I win! I get the biggest procrastinator award. Now, let's see, was that a grande latte we agreed on?

I loved reading this. My favorite part: "It's about rediscovering the world all over again though the eyes of someone who has yet to discover the worlds evils."

Amen, Amen and Amen.

Angela said...

I miss those kids so much it makes me want to cry.
I love those pictures!
You are a great mama. Don't ever forget it!

Michelle said...

Wow... I couldn't have said that better myself! I feel sad for my oldest many times, too. It is too bad that they have to be dealt the consequesces of us figuring out how difficult parenting can be.

One time when I was lamenting over poor choices/moments in my parenting a wise woman reminded me that if I was a perfect parent, my children would have no need for Jesus.

Jennyth said...

I need a little girl to dress up in a cute orange fall dress with floral leggings.

She's adorable.

momaof4 said...

I love what Michelle said!

Thank you for the reminder today! The kids are playing out in the leaves....and i am trying to let go of thinking of spiders, bugs, dog stuff (Hope not) that could be hidding under, over, and in them!!! THANKS Friend!!

Shauna said...

Hey Becca!

I loved this post. My mom and I were just talking the other day about how the first born is the guinea pig and everything we do on them is one big experiment and how we have such high expectations for them. My mom said that she thinks all first borns should have to sign a disclaimer from their parents that says they will not hold their parents liable/responsible if they end up with major issues when they are older because of all of the experimentation! :)

Phoebe is adorable by the way!

Ona said...

Phoebe is so stinkin cute!!! Kaia just gets all smiley when she sees her on your blogs. Sometimes I just let Kaia look at Phoebe and Jabe for entertainment. Seriously, she gets so excited to see them on screen like they're movie stars.

Kristie said...

She is so sweet! Her little outfit couldn't be cuter...makes me want to give her a hug...that unfortunately would totally freak her out but anyway, I would want to.

At our house we just put it back on the roll and used it. I know gross but my middle boy would unroll it almost everyday...who can afford that much TP, right?!?!?!

AngieG said...

Oh no! Daniel's my first and, apart from a miracle, my only. I'm going to start praying right now. Thanks for the sweet reminder to just enjoy our children.

Rachel said...

She's so adorable...no wonder you just ran to grab your camera. (Love the outfit!!)
And it's so funny that you wrote this today, because I realize that Sawyer's my one shot, and when she begged to jump in the leaves today...I granted her request...even though it required ALOT of effort on my part!!!
Ummm were you guys having a contest who could go the longest without without posting a new blog????

Sharon said...

That is the sweetest thing! It just made me smile so big! And I couldn't agree more about my oldest~they really do go through a lot of our learning!

You're such a good mom! And now, thanks to that 2nd picture (the top one of the trio) I now know what you'd look like with a crew cut! : )

ChickideeLilly said...

So Cute! Thank you for helping me realize I need to chill. Josh is at that stage too and I still am a bit uptight about it. What a wonderful mom you are.

Leslie said...

Great topic! I completely agree. I feel so badly for Maggie sometimes. She said to me the other day that it wasn't fair that I let Molly wear dangly earrings sooner than she did. I felt so bad, but it's true!

Your pictures are adorable. Enjoy every second of the growing up years.

Do you have any advice on how to enjoy the moments when they color on the walls though? I'm having a hard time with that one.

priscilla tilgner said...

Loved the post! Phoebe is so cute! Love the outfit its so holidayish!

I can totally relate and your thoughts could not have come to me at a better time! In fact I think i'll blog about it tonight...if I have time.

Kim said...

You have such a great way with words... I'm sure that many mothers out there can relate to the way that you've relaxed over the years. Great toilet paper pics!

Stefanie said...

I love her dress! I feel a little different about my girls - I still feel as stressed out with Maisie. Please let Ruby be less busy OR me more patient!

Julie said...

Just can't get enough of that girl!! Oh, Phoebe... you are so cute!! Even wrapped up in toilet paper ;)

mcmom said...

A wonderful reminder of just relaxing and enjoying the moment with our children.

Tiffany said...

I read this blog about your parenting Tobin and trying to "let things go", and I totally see myself as I now try to parent Tristan! It it like looking in the mirror when you describe the lack of patience you feel for certain normal baby things he does and forgetting that everything is new to him - a wonder that must be explored in ways that cause me to grit my teeth! I sure hope I can come out of it as you have with a fresh new understanding of how to proceed through this thing called parenting!

Jenny vick said...

I guess we were having similar thoughts this week! The Process of being a mother is interesting...Who knows if there is really such a thing as a good mother.....mabye just mothers doing as "good" as we can! Some days our Good is better than others :) Thanks for sharing. I love your T.P. photos.

Meghan said...

I would never have pegged you as the impatient Momma! You have always seemed so cool and calm when I've been around you with your children, even before the twins were born. You seemed always so interested in what they were doing and learning! I love this post, and learned a lot from it! If your baby wants to play with toilet paper, let them, what harm could it do? If your child wants to jump in the leaves, let them, let them enjoy their youth and discover (Thank you Rachel!). Now, your job is to remind me if this when I'm frustrated with my own child. :)

Stacey said...

Great entry! A nice piece of advice for us first-time moms. Perhaps this is why first-born children tend to be more type-A? I can say this since I am one.

Amy said...

Have I told you, you're kids are beautiful! I love catching up on you're life! This post was good for me since I'm expecting number 2. I'll try to remember it!

Hosmerita said...

Love, love, love the pictures, makes me want to pinch her cheeks. Oh goodness, Ava was my training manual. I feel bad for her too. Oh well, I did my best with what I had, right?

I saw you at church today. You were walking back home down the alley. I contemplated chasing you down, but it was an alley, and there were cars. So I did a mental hello/hug. Did you hear me?

Team Johnston said...

I understand what you mean about the first being the guinea pig, Allyson was the guinea pig for Thomas. Phoebe looks so cute! :)
~Danielle :)

Lindsay said...

True... every word of it. Poor Mason.