Saturday, February 27, 2010

Rip My Guts Out: 100% Uterus Free

I'm home in my own clean sheets. I still walk like a 90 year old woman with a piano on my back but Matt says my shuffling is sexy so . . . that's weird. I got home on Saturday after four long uncomfortable nights at the hospital. My house is filled with so much love from all my friends and families. My kitchen table, had so many beautiful flowers on it, it looked like I walked into my uterus' funeral. They are gorgeous and I have scattered them around my house and oh how they bring a bit of spring into every corner. My friends have given me books, and slippers, and sweets, and meals, babysitting, Love and prayers. If I were a cheerleader I would come to each of your houses and do a routine exuding my love for all of you. I would to, except, If I use my severed stomach muscles at all it makes me break out into tears faster than a Hallmark commercial during Christmas time. I hope you all know you have a gift I don't have. I am not good at meeting others needs. I have lots of nice thoughts and great ideas and the most wonderful intentions that never see the other side of my brain. I so admire people who don't just think nice things, they do them. This will be my New Year’s resolutions one of these years. As soon as I lose those last ten pounds.

My brother came to visit me the first two evenings at the hospital. He didn't mind one bit that I could open my eyes because I was so nauseous and tired. We joked, and having him be there made me feel protected in a way only a big brother can. Getting prepped for surgery I wore a soft paper gown and when I laid down the nurse plugged a hose into the gown that blew in warm air! It felt like Hawaii (plus the dread of impending surgery). I told my bother while in recovery that I thought we should market this to the Snuggie Company and have them add the hot air hose feature. I loved the feeling when I was a little girl to stand over a forced air heater and have it blow my nightgown up like a hot air balloon. So I pitched the idea to my brother and he came up with the name for our product . . . the Blowie. You heard it here first.

Surgery . . . thankfully I was fully in the wild blue yonder while it was all happening because my doctors says it was rough. His exact words were "I'd be perfectly happy to never do a surgery that complicated again." He knew after 30 seconds of the laparoscopic surgery that he'd have to open me up. Once in, he said that it looked like someone poured super glue throughout my abdomen. The procedure lasted double the time he expected and I lost a lot of blood that caused me to have a double blood transfusion. And the good doctor in all his wisdom took every last trace of my uterus, ovaries, and cervix. Pretty much all my inner woman was removed but in exchange I got this fancy estrogen sticker on my belly and no more evil periods EVER! It was a good deal. I've lived with that pain since I was ten years old. Ten.

I have a great story of how I cried to my mom the first year that I had started my period. I was in the fifth grade I hated having to take my backpack into the restroom to change. Kids my age were just learning how to use a period at the end a sentence, other than that the word had no second meaning. So my mother, (who was not a seamstress) decided to make me something a little more discrete to take with me to the powder room. She took me to Joann's Fabric Store and let me pick my favorite print. This was 1987 so I choose this neon paint splattered fabric that was like. totally. radical. We bought a yard and my mom laid a giant pad onto the flat fabric (remember this is before they came folded in thirds with the cute pink package.) and traced out a pattern that sorta looked like a big envelope. When it was finished I had myself one big bright neon pad cozy. I am sure it could have been seen from space but somehow it did make me feel a bit more confident.

So now my bed is my only dwelling and my husband has become superman. He lifts me out of bed, dries my legs out of the shower, brings me my every whim, sole caregiver of my children, he's my arm in the middle of the night when I just need a new position, my medicine controller, my slipper put-er on-er. He even supplied my nightstand with all my favorite treats because he was worried I wasn't eating enough. And he is so CUTE I can hardly stand it.

Well I thought I'd give you a tour of my life right now. This is my nightstand.

My reading material.

My candy stash.

Me in the perpetual state of rest.


Lindsay said...

Rebecca .... thanks for being you!

What a great story you live :) Keep writing ...

And Donald Miller ... I tell you what ... I'm still re-reading parts of that book. Can't wait to hear what you thought of it.

Crystal said...

I feel so bad that I haven't done anything....but I have been thinking of you!

Jen said...

5th GRADE!!! You POOR thing! I can hardly imagine that.. Parker is now in 5th grade and he still is my baby. I guess I need to face reality that puberty will happen.

Being pain free will change your life... and I am sooo happy for you!! Although I don't find my foot surgery as intense as having your uterus ripped out.. my doctor was also perplexed by how difficult my surgery was... guess that makes us special and unique people!

Please... keep us posted on the books you're reading! You are so much better than I was during my recovery from my foot surgery... I watched netflix on my laptop 24/7 while playing bubble shooter on dead whale... or watched Dawson's Creek (Nanc Green bought me the entire 6 seasons for my recovery.. as you may remember we named Roscoe's sister Joey after Katie Holmes' character). Anyways... I didn't touch a book ONCE in 5 weeks!! You Go!!!

littlecbsmom said...

I'm glad to hear you are doing well and that God has blessed you with so many wonderful people during your recovery. I think that husband of yours should have some there such an award for best husband after guts ripped out surgery? Well, you should start it when you are better of course!

LOVED the story about the pad cozy...laughed out loud, but realized it is I will chuckle to myself at odd times throughout the next few days until it is all out:)

red-headed Wilson's said...

Pooey, I posted something yesterday but it didn't show!

Glad you have such wonderful friends to take care of you. And that hubby of yours is a keeper.

Just think, this time next year you may feel like a whole new person. All healthy and feeling good!

momaof4 said...

Can I come over an read with you and share your candy??? Love your book choice. Feathers from My Nest, might make you cry. Such a sweet book.

Enjoy the quiet till your sick of it!

Rachel said...

You poor little thing...I hope your recovery goes well. I am so happy for you that you will be pain free from now on...there's always a bright side!

Their Giant said...

You're the only person I know who can make a hysterectomy sound fun.

That is a gift.

joyq said...

here is some info you could do without: I was 15. But God is fair, and I had the body of a ten year old until... well until now. Damn you irony!

Glad your feeling loved- you are!

Maryanne and AJ said...

You look amazing and so relaxed! I glad Matt is such a superdad/husband/man and you are able to relax, rest and heal. Keep taking it easy!

Glory Laine said...

Had to publish this email:
Hi Honey, my eyes are so full of 'laughter tears' I can barely see. I was already chuckling over you uterus' funeral when you reminded me about that gaudy looking pad holder. I think it had black trim didn't it? I think I thought you would keep it in your backpack but it was way too long ago to remember .
I'm glad you are being so well taken care of. I arrived home safely last night and feel a little tired but rejuvenated. Hope to see you this weekend. Mom

February Jill said...

I'm hoping your bed rest will mean that you'll be keeping us updated with funny stories!

Hope your books are good to you. I just finished the Last Song the other day... was slightly perturbed halfway through the book when I realized that it was Miley Cyrus pictured on the cover... but I needed a light read. Hope you enjoy it too. Have you read the Secret Life of Bees? I just finished that also and think you would enjoy it.

Love you, Jill

Stefanie said...

I'm so excited you get to rest ~ sometimes I think God knows big things are the only way He'll get us to slow down for awhile.

It's so great that Matt can take off so much time and is so willing to be your nurse. I'm so proud of him!
That's one thing I really miss about Mike being a state employee...of course I'll take the good over the bad.

I say you just eat all those candies, read all the books, and soooooooooo deserve a break. Just sad it had to be this way:(

You're one tough cookie!

PS - I liked the Secret Life of Bees too.

Julie Rogers said...

I love your writing! You do have a gift! I can see a book in your future, seriously. I'm a great proof reader and I'd love to be your book editor. (Not that you need it, your writing is awesome!) Okay, I can see it now---"For a Limited Time Only"---or unlimited maybe----Order a Blowie and receive a neon pad cozy FREE! Seriously! This is the best invention (the pad cozy). I could so totally relate to that (being in 5th grade and having to haul around feminine hygiene products. I was barely 11). But, because I'm WAY older than you, they didn't have the new modern conveniences of sticky adhesive so I had to wear the belted kind. So humiliating even to write this! Well, now that I think of it, girls these days can discreetly hide a tampon in their pocket without worry of being found out.

Okay, I'm dying to read the latest blog post. I loved the photos of all of your floral arrangements! You deserve every single one of them and many, many more! Love the nightstad photo too. Yours is way neater than mine, but I have more books! Love ya, Julie Rogers

Leah said...

Becca, So write like I think! I can't tell you how touched I am about the details of Matt taking care of you! First, I am thankful 'cause I have one just like him:) Second, I know it's real! I find so many people talk "sweet nothings" on Facebook but then when you are with them it is not what they display, it't just wrong. What you guys have is SPECIAL and REAL!