Thursday, March 29, 2007

The last?


The twins turned nine months a few days ago. Phoebe is pulling herself up and doing some cruising. Jabe crawls like a robot wined-up toy. Today I introduced sippy cups. So many milestones I have crossed off their list already. Their birthday will be here before I know it. (Or want it.) I can't help but become emotional when I wonder , "will this be the last of my babies?". A part of me would be great if it is. A part of me morns for the future me who misses the weight of her own babies sleeping on her chest. Because I still have four frozen embryo's left out of my amazing batch of fifteen, I feel I am not allowed to look at Jabe and Phoebe as my last. I feel I still need room in my heart for one more frozen blessing. There is a greater then great chance that nothing will become of these last hopefuls. But until I know, I've saved all the clothes and the swing and the bouncy chairs. All stuffed in the attic wondering if they'll ever be used again.

4 comments:

momaof4 said...

Oh Becca, I love your heart. Thank you for being so open.

Shannon said...

Wow...thanks for sharing...I cant help but think your frozen embryos are sweet blessings waiting to be thawed. (I hope I dont step over any boundrys by saying that.)
oh, and I cant spell.

The Kofoid's said...

Meghan sent me a link to your blog, and I have to tell you that you have done an amazing job. It helps that you have beautiful babies...but you really are a very talented writer. Every entry is so much fun to read.
It's so inspiring to watch our little ones grow and develop and become their own people. Your children are blessed to have such a wonderful mother.

AngieG said...

God knew each of us in that "dark place" and He alone can know the plans for those little ones. I do know one thing about God though - He loves to bless His children with good gifts! I'd save every sock and swing - God is lavish with us!