Evolution of Motherhood

I think I might be getting better at this mom stuff. The quality of my parenting really took a nose dive once I actually BECAME a mother. Because before I was a mom I would pridefully have declared myself a prodigy of child rearing. Mothering before I had my children looked rather uncomplicated and simplistic. Really all you have to do to turn out a good "product" is provide love, consistency, discipline, and lets not forget common sense. Easy. Fast forward to my Tobin. I did forget a few ittsy bittsy factors in my plan to produce perfection. One, these kids come with their own wills and ideas about how life should be. Two, They are really demanding about getting their needs met. And I have found them to be quite ungrateful for services received. Three, I didn't expect this insane pressure that weights in the back of my sleep deprived mind, that at any moment I could snap and scar them for life.

I remember vividly getting really frustrated with Tobin as a baby for doing, well immature, baby things. Like mashing his food into his freshly washed hair and all over the moped floor. I would be stern with him when I would take him shopping and he would dare be disruptive to the other shoppers. I could watch my blood pressure rise as he wildly displayed his frustration over the choices of toys I brought for him at a restaurant. The list goes on. Tobin had to break me of all the misconception I had about what mothering meant. It wasn't about doing things perfect, and getting the perfect result. Mothering is about watching and loving the process of growing. It's about being that person that allows mistakes and exploration with a cool temper. It's about rediscovering the world all over again thought the eyes of someone who has yet to discover the worlds evils.

So the other day when I found Phoebe discovering toilet paper, I took pride in myself that I ran for the camera instead of running off her joy in this paper that you could wrap all around yourself and run though the house with it following you.

And then suddenly I felt sad for Tobin. His mommy was a stress case when he was discovering the world. I know one day Phoebe and Jabe will thank Tobin that he went first. Tobin was the Guinea pig that we experimented on and who taught me to enjoy the process of growing up.

Fine!

I was tagged awhile ago by Becky and Jen to do eight random things about me. I rebelled against participating in this cyber chain letter voodoo. But just to insure that my finger nails don't turn green and disintegrate into asbestos, I will concede and join in with all ya all and dig up some dirt on myself.

Eight Random Things About Becca:

1. I drink my coffee with a straw. For a few reasons:

a. My lipstick stays on my lips and not on my coffee cup.

b. I hear it helps keeps stains off your teeth.

2.I had a goldfish in jr. high. His name was Fido. When he died, I dissected him. (insane or curious? You decide.)

3. I don't like eating leftovers. (Unless it's from Olive Garden or Matt's pesto chicken pizza)

4. I tivo The View every morning and watch it during nap time. The strange thing is I don't even really like it..... My blood pressure goes up and I mostly just feel irked. But still I view.

5. I really can't remember when my little dog Rosco had his last bath (other than the garden hose). The sad thing is that before I had kids, I use to dress him up in outfits and I even have a baby photo album for him. Now he has just become ...... well.....a dog.

6. My house is a wreak right now. I had mops this morning and left the house in a rush with clothes hangers and highchairs all willy neelly. After mops and the lunch rush I got my kids down for naps and haven't left the couch since. (ok that's a lie. I did get up to pee and to get some chocolate chips out of the freezer. It's the only sweets I have in the house right now)

7. I have a ton of wrapping paper in my basement. My friend's mom used to work for American Greetings. She cleaned out her stash and I became the recipient of gift wrap for every occasion. Graduation? Covered. Valentines Day? Got it. Having your gallbladder out? I've got the perfect paper to celebrate.

8. Jabe has been crying in his crib since #5. And although I feel sad for him I really don't feel any rush to run to his aid. (For goodness sakes, He's fifteen months old and he should know by now that afternoon naps last until 4:30!)

There you go. Now I hope the curse has been lifted. Oh and way to go with the comments from my last post. I'll let it keep running for a week or so before I write the big check. Anyone else who wants to introduce yourself.....I'm open.

I heart blogging

Sometimes I wish that after a few days after I've posted, some kind of alarm or odor would come from my laptop pestering me until I just took the time to sit down and post what is on my mind. But alas it seems I choose to tend to the changing of babies and scrubbing ketchup from the carpet instead. The thing is I love blogging. And more than that, I value this community that is coming together. I love that this forum is bring together some of my dearest friends from all the corners of my life. So to continue this, "we are the world" moment I wanted to introduce you to some newbies that just happen to be in my real family.

1st we have my cousin Jill. Mothering 4 year old Elsa and baby Josh. She has wonderful talents of decorating, homemaking and party planning. She is well read and a great person to go shopping with. Check her out.

2nd we have my sister-in-law Stefanie. Stefanie is so sweet she is like a gooey caramel sundae with a creme brulee crust. She is thoughtful and self sacrificing. I can't tel you how blessed I am to have her in my life. Read about her raising three gorgeous girls here. PS she leaves the best comments too.

3rd but not last, my dear cousin Stacey. Stacey is a new mommy and is doing such a great job of articulating the struggles and joys of bringing home baby. And she is so FUNNY!

Check these wonderful ladies out and encourage them with your comments. Speaking of comments..... Did you know the month of October in national de-lurking month in blog world? Lurker is a really harsh name for a person that consistently reads someones blog but doesn't leave comments. I would prefer to call them browsers. Browsing is perfectly acceptable to me, but just for fun I would love to know more of you who are reading. So tell me about yourself. Feeling Shy? To encourage you I will donate $1 for every comment on this post to my local crisis pregnancy center. Now how could you refuse helping out another mom?

Sunday Livingroom Open House

This is the room that gets lived in. Where Tobin makes elaborate train tracks, where Saturday morning cartoons get watched, fires are made with a remote control, babies are safely "caged in". The carpet is so gross. They haven't been cleaned since Jon found his calling to serve and protect.

This room boasts of three sets of french doors.

I found this clock when I was newly married. It was a steep $45. I remember feeling so guilty to spend that much on a clock but what is a girl supposed to do when she falls in love with an object that makes her long she was living in New York City? Buy it.

The twins are 15 months and I still use a changing table. I used on for a long time with Tobin too. I just would rather not be bending down too much if I can help it. And it helps keep my wiggle worms still.

Love, love old books. When I was first making a home for Matt and I, it was my cheep decorating secret to find lovely books to use as accents around the big empty space I was trying to fill. Now ten years later, how did we manage to "collect" so much stuff?

And lastly this picture of my big brother and me. Taken in a photo booth, I adore it.

A bad day made better by Dutch Brothers

It was a rushed morning. I had a dentist appointment and it was picture day at Tobin's pre-school. So in between feeding the twins, getting in one more floss on my teeth, and trying to find a clean shirt for Tobin that didn't draw attention to his bruise on his left eye and the bloody scratch above his right eye, I skipped breakfast. This years school picture will be a treasure sure to go strait on the mantel.
I'm not a big fan of going to the dentist. Truth be told I'd rather have my annual exam with Dr. Gyno than have someone scrape my teeth with a sharp object. But the worse part is having your mouth full of of fingers while being asked questions that you'd love to answer but can't because of said fingers. Torture.
I rush to pick up Tobin from school when his teacher tells me that she's been having difficulty with Tobin the last few days. Ugh it just was a sick feeling in my stomach. Matt and I both were very compliant children. I have a vivid memory of my teacher using a sharp tone with me in Kindergarten. It crushed me to think I may have disappointed her. Tobin on the other hand was not granted the genetic gene that makes tears well up when you're not the winner the best citizen award. Oh well we need activist in the world as well.
So where was I? Oh yeah. So I am in the van with Tobin driving to pick up the twins from my mothers. He is mad at me because I told him no movie because of his misbehavior in class. When he starts in that he doesn't like me. I ignore him and maturely turn up the radio to drowned out his hatefulness. I am wishing that I had a hot Starbucks in my hand and am so angry that Matt and I are so strapped for cash that I have swore off all such extras. So just as Tobin is now kicking the back seat and added his third, I don't like you, I open my mouth to tell Tobin that I really don't like him right now. BUT instead the voice of an angel comes over the radio and announces that a grand opening of Dutch Brothers is giving away FREE coffee. AND it is just a block away. !!!!!! Just more proof that there is a God. So after waiting in line for half hour I got my free tasty drug of choice.

I have been way out of the loop in blogworld. My free time has been ate up by my quest for a the perfect house plan. I have found that it is as rare as a winged, fire breathing unicorn. And when I'm not looking for that I've been working on Christmas presents. Being on such a tight budget I know that thoughtful cheep gifts mean.....spending a lot of time making things. So to tidy up my last post I have to say that house # four is my all time favorite! And as soon as they left the restraining order, I'll go back to my binoculars and lawn chair across the street looking at every little wonder that makes up this craftsman perfection.